Loveing the undead

I am mourning. I finally let go of love, dreams, excitement. All is left is a hole.  Lightness feels heavy. Silence sounds loud. Life is dead. Tears do not exist in my world. Happy or sad ones. All I pray is to feel again. I pray God exists. Failure seems comic instead of tragic since all is futile. I need fibrillation but I guess I need a heart for that. Flashes of my past life appear and go. My whole life comes back to me. I guess I must be dying. I do not feel pain. Just shortness of breath. Surrender is my anesthetic .  Truth is a lye and vice versa. Floating above I become air. I can see people around. Some laugh some yell. I do not understand why. I am  spreading around, being wasted. Invisible. Impossible. Irreversible. Dry.

I loved a shadow. The ghost of the soul that should have been alive. A soul that never grew up.  I loved the light that should have been your being.

Breath…breath…breathing….. Inspire some life into my lungs. And smile….Really smile….There is life after pain.