Loneliness overcomes me again. Loneliness
becomes me. Becomes my fuel. Takes over. Drives me. It’s like a constant state of pain
and suffocating. A weakness that drains me and puts me out. My eyes hurt so I keep
them closed. Life becomes too much to bear between my feelings of guilt, my binging
sessions and obsessively listening to suicidal music. The drama queen rules my
kingdom today. Orders sound so loud. They pump fear, lack of self confidence, depression
that rip my insides. This disease is so cruel. My desperate hand is reaching
for life with no results. The thorns of solitude cut into my flesh until pain
makes me feel like throwing up my guts, my bloody organs that used to keep me
alive through you. Disconnected from you my whole being feels like an appendix…
so unuseful. Even the memory of you smells like a perfume named Warmth. Your
name sounds somehow like Hope, Light and Oxygen all together. I start tasting you
from under my nails where I still have your skin ripped while I was becoming
you. The only thing I have left is the cries of my prayers that beg for me to
become an empty vessel again. Hoping the next fillings will be yours.
