Loveing the undead

I am mourning. I finally let go of love, dreams, excitement. All is left is a hole.  Lightness feels heavy. Silence sounds loud. Life is dead. Tears do not exist in my world. Happy or sad ones. All I pray is to feel again. I pray God exists. Failure seems comic instead of tragic since all is futile. I need fibrillation but I guess I need a heart for that. Flashes of my past life appear and go. My whole life comes back to me. I guess I must be dying. I do not feel pain. Just shortness of breath. Surrender is my anesthetic .  Truth is a lye and vice versa. Floating above I become air. I can see people around. Some laugh some yell. I do not understand why. I am  spreading around, being wasted. Invisible. Impossible. Irreversible. Dry.

I loved a shadow. The ghost of the soul that should have been alive. A soul that never grew up.  I loved the light that should have been your being.

Breath…breath…breathing….. Inspire some life into my lungs. And smile….Really smile….There is life after pain.

"I am not superficial....I am averegely-ficial!!!" (english version)

 Hmmmm…usually I feel just fine with my average-ficiality …but today I wonder…Who could I have been if I was something else than a simple commoner? Guess superficiality is a normal state of things… means normality, and not because it is most common but because it keeps our sanity, a certain balance. Talking every day about philosophy and get into the depths of things is vulgar. Superficiality is a day-to-day thing from which we need from time to time to break away to an exotic all inclusive location named "profoundness".

“I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial.”

Daca e ceva ce urasc foarte tare e sa fiu lasata cu cuvintele-n gura! E ca si cum ai manca ceva cu pofta si dupa ce ai mestecat n-ai voie nici sa inghiti nici sa scuipi! E oribil! Din acest motiv gasesc ca e tot mai greu sa fii placut pentru cine esti cu adevarat. Nimeni nu vrea de fapt sa te cunoasca. Lumea vrea sa fii o prezenta placuta, sa fii bland cu orgoliul lor. As fi curioasa cati barbati ar fi atrasi de imaginea mea despletita, demachiata in pat dupa o masa copioasa citind si ascultand Metallica? Oare cui i-ar placea o femeie cu ticul nervos de a-si devora proprii obraji, razand zgomotos la propriile glume?

Sunt un cizmar fara cizme si o ipocrita ce arunca cu sfatul in dreapta si-n stanga ce are o profunda confuzie legata de propriile dorinte. Oamenii insa persista in a cauta sfaturi la mine. Poate e doar o chestiune de marketing, nu?

Superficialitatea in opinia mea e o stare naturala a lucrurilor, inseamna normalitate. Si asta nu pentru ca e cea mai raspandita ci din cauza ca iti pastreaza sanatatea mentala, un anume echilibru. A avea discutii filozofice zi de zi si a intra in profunzimea lucrurilor mai tot timpul, a frecventa mereu locatii culturale e o vulgarizare a sublimului. Superficialitatea mi se pare pur si simplu viata cotidiana din care mai vrei din cand in cand sa evadezi zburand spre o locatie exotica all-inclusive ori intr-o aventura noua numita profunzime.